Question:

My boyfriend does not like oral sex! I have asked many men and they all think it is very strange. It seems fellatio is a man’s favorite pleasure. Please help me understand.

Answereth Outraged Richard:

Child, sexually pleasure no one until you are married. Fellatio is a boy’s favorite pleasure, not a man’s. A man’s favorite pleasure is to provide for his family and dearly hold his wife until death.

Now when a man is bound to a woman finally and proven himself to be honorable and patient, and the woman proved herself chaste, let these lovers pleasure each other within holy matrimony.

Men, do not violate your wife by committing lewd acts on her. Let her speak freely and plainly without any obstructions in her mouth. Is not a woman an equal in mind and spirit and conversation to a man? Men, listen to your wife for she will help you much—do not stuff her mouth with anything, especially food.

Women, a man is not an ice cream cone to be licked and fussed over. Do not take your husband’s manhood in your mouth but readily clasp him with your hands and womb to please him greatly.

Go now, child, and seek a man that has honor and patience. Know that you are worth more than greasing boys’ penises.