The blueprint of America’s Superhero has changed! In drastic contrast from the traditional fit and trim Superhero look, Wonder Woman has taken the lead and is “letting it all hang out”.

She can still whoop butt and fly all up in the sky - she just needs a larger size swimtrunk bottom to cover all that extra dimpled cellulite busting loose!

Not everyone is the same these days! People have different lifestyles, and that’s OK! Some people eat more than others!

If you look close you can see the blood glucose monitor hidden underneath her bullet deflecting wrist bracelet. Now that’s tricked out!

Click picture and Biggie-Size it! Brace yourself!

On the very day the world was to celebrate 25,000 plus views of The Downtown Disaster: Salisbury, Maryland hosted on google.com, the awful video was toppled from its commanding spire o’er the Transchoptankia Realm.

Our technicians are being employed without pause to discover the causes: human, technical, or otherwise that brought about this great misfortune.

For the time being, the exciting docu-drama video The Downtown Disaster: Salisbury, Maryland is being hosted at stage6.com in the DivX format.

Soon we will expose the traitorous scum who brought down the finest and most popular video in all of the Transchoptankia Realm!

*** Update! *** The video has now been toppled from the stage6.com website which has folded up like a weekend circus.

Friends, these are terrible times! Our main page for the video will suffice then to direct you to the video. We will stay one step ahead of our detractors and censors!

Without further ado, The Downtown Disaster: Salisbury, Maryland.

“Disney’s Enchanted, A Tale of Betrayal and Chest Hair Fondling” by John Overmeier, Buffalo Springs Daily

Media powerhouse Disney spellbinds us with yet another Prince and Princess fairytale movie, Enchanted, for the Holiday Tree season. Starting off as what appears to be an innocent family friendly movie, parents and their enraptured children will soon wonder what Enchanted’s “PG” rating is for, but not for long…

Using snippets of the traditional storyline of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, Princess Giselle falls in love with a Prince in cartoon fairyland but she gets banished by his evil stepmother to the harsh reality of New York City, emerging from a sewer man-hole cover dressed in her princess get-up and a gold crown which is stolen in due time by a homeless man with poor dental hygiene.

Wandering like a lunatic around New York City looking in earnest for her “castle”, she quickly catches the attentions of a divorce lawyer with motherless child. Here is where Disney begins the evisceration of the traditional family, albeit by way of spoofing, but to which most children will only become more confused coming as they do too from divorce and broken families.

The divorce lawyer takes in the endearing Princess for the night and in a scene reminiscent of every children’s movie, the showered and half naked Princess wrapped in a towel accidentally stumbles out of the bathroom and lands atop the divorce lawyer in a straddling sexual position, just as the divorce lawyer’s girlfriend of 5 years comes in the front door. Gee kids, it’s only accidental!

Meanwhile, the Prince has followed through the cartoon-to-reality spinning tunnel in pursuit of his precious Princess, along with the evil stepmother and a butler lackey toting along some evil fruit for the Princess. If the Prince had an inkling of what the lewd little Princess had been up to he probably would have given her the poisonous apple himself and saved the other folks the trouble.

Around this time the Princess starts to fondle the divorce lawyer’s chest hair and puckers up for a kiss, though she is supposedly to marry the Prince—her one true love—who she had previously been raving and crooning pleasantly about. This scene is particularly abhorrent since the prelude to the fondling is the Princess getting angry but then suddenly calming down and feeling attracted to the open bathrobe of the divorce lawyer—almost a “make-up sex” scene if Disney could have pumped that “PG” rating a little more. If only we could let the Prince know…

The divorce lawyer and the Princess do go on a date together, and Disney tosses about the idea that maybe people should “get to know one another” before further commitment, whatever that is, but which the audience might presume to be marriage. Over dinner the conversation meanders to the fact that there is a kid with no mother following the divorce lawyer around. The single parent divorce lawyer mumbles something about things not working out between he and his one night stand, live-in girlfriend, or divorced wife—whichever it is, Disney doesn’t reveal to us, only that “she left”. The divorced lawyer’s moping cynical existence begs the question: Why burden the upbeat Princess with your impropriety and sullenness?

Yet here the single parent divorce lawyer happily sits at dinner with the ravishing Princess, calculating his next amorous relationship with a real life floozy. Whatever happened to Dr. Laura’s advice that single parents should stay single while raising their children, instead of creating an unnecessary hectic drama that the singles dating scene is sure to burden their children with? Obviously, the cartoon-made-CGI chipmunk didn’t whisper that bit of advice in his ear.

The whole movie falls flat on its face when an unbridled swinger’s party erupts at the end and the main characters all switch love partners. Everyone gets kicked to the curb but rebounds with another love interest! The Princess falls in love with the single parent divorce lawyer, and the Prince falls in love with the five year girlfriend of the divorce lawyer—both of whom they only met the day before. Oops! Sorry for spoiling the end of the movie!

So much for “getting to know someone” when Disney returns triumphantly to the love of immediacy which they were apparently spoofing all along. Unknown to Disney and its producers is the fact that to truly satirize something (beyond immature spoofing) is to include its correction, and Enchanted unfortunately serves to exacerbate or at least tolerate societal problems of divorce and sexual irresponsibility.

Disney could have scripted the Princess falling deeper in love with the Prince after discovering the Prince really was a loving and honorable guy. The divorce lawyer could have rediscovered his love for his long time girlfriend and offered up on bended knee some bling for her finger, or reconciled with the mother of his child (Oh! the horror!), but Disney had other plans for the characters by clamoring them past the ongoing wreckage of relationships.

Wrapped in a veneer of family friendly fairytale magic and appealing animated animals, kids instead get a dose of broken families, sexual innuendo, chest hair fondling, “swinging” and a bad bout of Christina Aguilera type wailing at the end.

Enchanted is a depressing affair, not an enlightening love story. Watch Sex and the City, it does a better job.

To all those who have committed black and untoward acts against children within the Transchoptankia Realm and elsewhere, we have only to present to you this stone tablet with simple inscription:

Question:

DEAR OUTRAGED RICHARD,

My parents moved to Florida 10 years ago. The rest of my family lives more than four hours away. We are not close to my husband’s family, but we do have my friends whom we talk to often.

The holidays are approaching, and I dread them because we have nowhere to go. I have tried asking people what they’re doing and mentioning that we aren’t doing anything, but they don’t get the hint that we’d like to be invited to their home. I would be happy to bring a dish or two — or even cook the whole meal if it meant we wouldn’t have to be alone.

What can I do? For me, the holidays are so depressing. Please help. I can’t face another lonely holiday. — LONELY IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

Answereth Outraged Richard:

DEAR LONELY,

Can you not sit down with your husband and be thankful that you are blessed to be with one another? Have you not a husband of virility and kind eyes to find solace with during these days of thankfulness?

Nay, rid yourself of this dread you speak of, for it means you are frightened to be alone. When a person is to be married she shall be content in herself, and not marry for the sake of false dependence on another person.

Do not expect others to rescue you by welcoming a frightened little girl to their supper table! Speak honestly with others about what you are doing and do not whine about your shortcomings.

The holidays are a time to rejoice! The holidays are depressing for you because you are a little girl craving for attention and worrying about whether Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a big enough Paxil pill for you.

During these holidays, search for that human goodness and humility that Jesus spake of and in so doing grow satisfied with your husband. Do this first and then approach others with goodness and humility.

* Note: Readers just like you are asking The Outraged One important life changing questions. Let The Outraged One helpeth you in your search for meaning…

Send in your queries gentle folk through the Contact form and The Outraged One assuredly will not dally in answering.

Belay there, friends! Is it not wizened old bird and our Buddhist friend the Venerable Master Hsuan Hua come to enlighten us on the 5 basic principles that should guide our lives?

Verily! Let us give pause then during this falling rain today in Delmar, and reflect on our falls from grace and our efforts to correct ourselves…

Without a strong foundation in moral conduct it is impossible to develop skill in meditation and have genuine concentration-power and wisdom. Being born as a human being is a result of having practiced the five precepts in past lives.

1. Do not kill: One must not deliberately kill any living creature either by committing the act oneself, instructing others to kill, or approving of or participating in acts of killing. Those who wish to completely separate from the activity of killing, in even an indirect way, eat only pure vegetarian food.

2. Do not steal: From such valuable items as gold and silver, and even extending to such small items as a needle or a blade of grass, if something is not given, one may not take it.

3. Do not engage in sexual misconduct: One may not have sexual contact with someone other than one’s lawful husband or wife. Promiscuous sex, or deviant sex, such as homosexuality and sexual activity with animals, plant the seeds which lead to rebirth in the lower realms of existence.

4. Do not engage in false speech: In general, there are four kinds of false speech. Lying irresponsible speech such as gossip and talk which arouses one’s emotion, abusive speech such as harshly berating others, and double-tongued speech which causes dissention and discord amongst people.

5. Do not take intoxicants: One may not take alcohol, drugs, or smoke cigarettes. All of these confuse one’s spirit, and cause one to be stupid in future lives.

…Remember that what really counts is actual practice.

It was said that one man, Richard “Rick” Pollitt, was going to save the debaucherous and doltish people of County Wicomico, Maryland of the Transchoptankia Realm from their simple and unrefined lives.

It was said Pollitt had “swollen ambitions”, was “cartoonish”, and “participated in local barbecue festivals”: gossip which every crude laborer of the field repeated amongst themselves and gained confidence by — until a lone man stamping his feet on the expansive blacktop parking lot of Johnny “The Longest Store on the Shore with the Shortest Prices” Janosik World of Furniture Galleries roared out:

Ah! News of Pollitt? How engrossing!

I say to you once again that bloated tissue, as Rick Pollitt appears to be, is not qualified as Wicomico County Executive or any leadership position — for he spends his time more affectionately with donuts instead of at the budget and proper planning.

I tell you the proof is in the pudding and the meat and potatoes of Pollitt’s call to political advancement are disgorged in readable format on Pollitt’s website ricksfriends.com in a 10 Course Dinner political stand.

Let us taste briefly of the next Dinner Course that this man Pollit has put on the table for us:

Course 3. “Revenue Cap”…

“Before I say anything else, know this: I will not enter the office of county executive planning to alter or abolish the Revenue Cap.”

and Course 4. “Effective & Efficient Administration”…

“It is my intention to show the citizens of Wicomico County how much more we could do for them in services without the restraints of the cap. I will do this by presenting supplemental budget information to the public, detailing those items which could have received funding but will not, because of the “Cap.””

“Another program I will implement immediately is an employee incentive program to help assure the wise spending of public funds. I have found that those best qualified to recommend cost-savings and job efficiencies are those who do the work day in and day out.”

Of course, Pollitt does not state one of the most important principles of proper governance: a budget analyst. The excessive expenditures, and hence the reason for the “Cap”, can never be corrected until a person or office is charged with looking over expenditures for the purpose of financial savings and long term quality, and who is shielded from all interests to the contrary.

Pollitt’s statement that the “best qualified to recommend cost-savings and job efficiencies are those who do the work day in and day out” is somewhat naive. Though it is a decent program to begin, he misses the greater necessity - the professional budget analyst.

I mean, come now! If Johnny Fireman has a choice between a $1,000 firetruck light bar and a $2,000 one he thinks is “more shinier”, which one is he going to pick?

If Mary Court Clerk wants a ream of paper costing 30% more than another available ream because it “feels” smoother and because that’s what Clerk Betty Battleaxe has used for the past 62 years, does that make good fiscal sense?

This is why I wish Pollitt would just shut his big pie-hole!

The fact that I am the only one to raise the idea and necessity of a budget analyst in governmental affairs tells much about the political machinations of Salisbury, and perhaps of the whole Transchoptankia Realm.

The lone man’s name? Outraged Richard, “Fearsome Protector of the Peasants and the Common Good”, remarking on Richard “Rick” Pollitt when he was craving and convincing others to elect him for Wicomico County Executive office in 2006.

Pollitt, a man who maintained a website: ricksfriends.com, that trumpeted his campaign’s promises and principles — a website which he immediately tore down, some said devoured, once he was elected.

But hearken closely dear friends and detractors! Pollitt’s promises and principles live on at outragedrichard.com in an ongoing series of revived past posts that have been dragged from the depths of forgotten history.

Ladies and gentlemen! We present to you in all his jiggling and swaying and diabetic needles and doctors, in all his empty campaign promises, directing truckloads of sprinkled donuts through a haze of confectioner’s sugar dust wind… Pollitt!

*Note: Other posts on Mr. Pollitt can be found here, or use search box in the right margin.