It was said that one man, Richard “Rick” Pollitt, was going to save the debaucherous and doltish people of County Wicomico, Maryland of the Transchoptankia Realm from their simple and unrefined lives.

It was said Pollitt had “swollen ambitions”, was “cartoonish”, and “participated in local barbecue festivals”: gossip which every crude laborer of the field repeated amongst themselves and gained confidence by — until a lone man stamping his feet on the expansive blacktop parking lot of Johnny “The Longest Store on the Shore with the Shortest Prices” Janosik World of Furniture Galleries roared out:

Ah! News of Pollitt? How engrossing!

I say to you once again that bloated tissue, as Rick Pollitt appears to be, is not qualified as Wicomico County Executive or any leadership position — for he spends his time more affectionately with donuts instead of at the budget and proper planning.

I tell you the proof is in the pudding and the meat and potatoes of Pollitt’s call to political advancement are disgorged in readable format on Pollitt’s website ricksfriends.com in a 10 Course Dinner political stand.

Let us taste briefly of the next Dinner Course that this man Pollit has put on the table for us:

Course 3. “Revenue Cap”…

“Before I say anything else, know this: I will not enter the office of county executive planning to alter or abolish the Revenue Cap.”

and Course 4. “Effective & Efficient Administration”…

“It is my intention to show the citizens of Wicomico County how much more we could do for them in services without the restraints of the cap. I will do this by presenting supplemental budget information to the public, detailing those items which could have received funding but will not, because of the “Cap.””

“Another program I will implement immediately is an employee incentive program to help assure the wise spending of public funds. I have found that those best qualified to recommend cost-savings and job efficiencies are those who do the work day in and day out.”

Of course, Pollitt does not state one of the most important principles of proper governance: a budget analyst. The excessive expenditures, and hence the reason for the “Cap”, can never be corrected until a person or office is charged with looking over expenditures for the purpose of financial savings and long term quality, and who is shielded from all interests to the contrary.

Pollitt’s statement that the “best qualified to recommend cost-savings and job efficiencies are those who do the work day in and day out” is somewhat naive. Though it is a decent program to begin, he misses the greater necessity - the professional budget analyst.

I mean, come now! If Johnny Fireman has a choice between a $1,000 firetruck light bar and a $2,000 one he thinks is “more shinier”, which one is he going to pick?

If Mary Court Clerk wants a ream of paper costing 30% more than another available ream because it “feels” smoother and because that’s what Clerk Betty Battleaxe has used for the past 62 years, does that make good fiscal sense?

This is why I wish Pollitt would just shut his big pie-hole!

The fact that I am the only one to raise the idea and necessity of a budget analyst in governmental affairs tells much about the political machinations of Salisbury, and perhaps of the whole Transchoptankia Realm.

The lone man’s name? Outraged Richard, “Fearsome Protector of the Peasants and the Common Good”, remarking on Richard “Rick” Pollitt when he was craving and convincing others to elect him for Wicomico County Executive office in 2006.

Pollitt, a man who maintained a website: ricksfriends.com, that trumpeted his campaign’s promises and principles — a website which he immediately tore down, some said devoured, once he was elected.

But hearken closely dear friends and detractors! Pollitt’s promises and principles live on at outragedrichard.com in an ongoing series of revived past posts that have been dragged from the depths of forgotten history.

Ladies and gentlemen! We present to you in all his jiggling and swaying and diabetic needles and doctors, in all his empty campaign promises, directing truckloads of sprinkled donuts through a haze of confectioner’s sugar dust wind… Pollitt!

*Note: Other posts on Mr. Pollitt can be found here, or use search box in the right margin.