Pocomoke Tattler, a blog hailing from the southern reaches of the Transchoptankia Realm is under strain from thousands of mesmerized viewers intent on reading the next bizarre post of blog author Mr. Billy Burke who is entrenched in a bitter feud with the leadership of Pocomoke City, Maryland.

Many of Mr. Burke’s posts, a disjointed and sometimes colorful mix of accusations against various persons in Pocomoke City government, end with “It’s Pocomoke…”: a statement referring to the ‘good ol’ boy’ way of doing things by favoritism and unethical dealings.

According to Mr. Burke, and his wife Stephanie who posts with the same incensed tone, all things in Pocomoke City begin and end under the fat thumb of Boss Hogg, or Russell Blake, the longest running city manager in U.S. history. Little good, claims Mr. Burke, can come to Pocomoke City until Boss Hogg is run out of office and broom beaten to the swampy edge of the city.

The latest hullabaloo concerns Chamber of Commerce President Dr. Daffy, or Lynn Duffy, under council of a lawyer named Mr. Cornflakes, or Ernest Cornbrooks, who has threatened to sue Mr. Burke over “infamous statements” he made regarding Dr. Daffy’s crazed and shoddy leadership that included stuffing voting ballot boxes behind locked doors.

Other concerns of Mr. Burke are that Dr. Daffy insists on being called “Doctor” despite having no valid claim to the title, and that Dr. Daffy previously spent the entirety of her upbringing in an insane asylum.

To make matters worse, and more damaging to her lawsuit against Mr. Burke, Dr. Daffy’s personal stationary, which she uses in official correspondence as President of the Pocomoke City Chamber of Commerce, incorporates a collage of strange elements as a watermark that clearly question her sanity: (see below for enhanced view of Dr. Daffy’s stationary watermark)

It’s Pocomoke…

Our dear friend William Tyndale wroteth a letter from his cell in the Vilvorde Prison near Brussels…

I believe, most excellent Sir, that you are not unacquainted with the decision reached concerning me. On which account, I beseech your lordship, even by the Lord Jesus, that if I am to pass the winter here, to urge upon the lord commissary, if he will deign, to send me from my goods in his keeping a warmer cap, for I suffer greatly from cold in the head, being troubled with a continual catarrh, which is aggravated in this prison vault. A warmer coat also, for that which I have is very thin. Also cloth for repairing my leggings. My overcoat is worn out; the shirts also are worn out. He has a woolen shirt of mine, if he will please send it. I have also with him leggings of heavier cloth for overwear. He likewise has warmer nightcaps: I also ask for leave to use a lamp in the evening, for it is tiresome to sit alone in the dark.

But above all, I beg and entreat your clemency earnestly to intercede with the lord commissary, that he would deign to allow me the use of my Hebrew Bible, Hebrew Grammar, and Hebrew Lexicon, and that I might employ my time with that study. Thus likewise may you obtain what you most desire, saving that it further the salvation of your soul. But if, before the end of winter, a different decision be reached concerning me, I shall be patient, and submit to the will of God to the glory of the grace of Jesus Christ my Lord, whose spirit may ever direct your heart. Amen.

W. Tyndale

—William Tyndale (1494-1536)

A devoted translator of the New Testament into English, Mr. Tyndale was strangled and burned at the stake for his goodly efforts.

Justice works in mysterious ways, friends! More than we mere sharecroppers can possibly imagine! But pray, could they not of given the good man a bit of extra cloth and a woolen cap, before they so violently assaulted his body? Sweet Baby Jesus!

Mr. Tyndale’s last words as his skin was bubbling and crisping from the flames of ignorance were, “Lord! open the king of England’s eyes.” …(ccel.org)

Oh, Dear Lord! Open too the eyes of the wretched people of this lonely and accursed Eastern Shore of Maryland!

Black Friday, as it is called, one of the busiest shopping days of the year, overloaded Americans with even more stuff to clog their lives with. Wal-Mart won hands down as the retailer shoving the most junk down people’s throats.

A man who calls himself Outraged Richard partook in the materialistic celebration, and the following story is quoted verbatim as he related it to a throng of raving elementary children:

I was standing in line at the behemoth Wal-Mart waiting for a chance to grab several items: a Fisher Price Super 6 Volt Sport Tracker ATV for $99.99, a Regal 34 piece Non-Stick Cookware Set for $28.36, and a My Scene Barbie with Vespa Scooter for $6.46.

As soon as the mega-store opened for business I made a run for the Tracker ATV in thinking the younger and more spry among the degenerate Wal-Mart crowd would be the first to get their clutching little hands on this particular item.

Sprinting in front of the older and fatter customers, I soon found myself neck and neck with a wee lad not 4 feet high who was evidently an accomplished runner. I slyly let him take the lead and as soon as he slowed to round a corner I delivered an enormous back of the neck clothesline, picked him up by the breech of his pants and hurled him down a perpendicular aisle.

Rounding the next bend at full gait with the newly acquired Tracker now under my arm, I could see an obese middle aged lady approaching the Regal Cookware section. At full tilt, and shouting “Nooo… it’s mine!” I launched myself into the air.

With one fist outstretched and the Tracker under my other arm, I punched her sagging gut with such velocity she dropped everything in her possession except a 2 Quart Round Slow Cooker for $4.86 which she had in a death grip. This Slow Cooker was of no concern to me, only the Regal Cookware Set which I quickly swooped up.

I knew here on out it was a simple mop up operation because no 8 year old little girl was going to outsmart me on the My Scene Barbie with Vespa Scooter for $6.46. True to my previous planning, while the little girl was clutching and preoccupied with the Barbie, I flew at her with my newly aquired bulky items outstretched in each hand and mightily clapped them like a pair of cymbals on either side of her head.

I gathered up my winnings and proceeded to the checkout line, reflecting on what a productive day it had been… at least for me.

Under the needless weight of hundreds of Diabetes books, thousands of embroidered stole wrapped doctors waving leeches, tapeworms, and Montblanc fountain pens, and billions of dollars of ongoing medical research — a man who calls himself The Outraged One announced a cure for common Diabetes.

From his Lee jeans pocket The Outraged One pulled out a 10 cent Bic pen, stooped down and pulled a sheet of blank paper from a recycle bin, and wrote the following words:

The Outraged One went on, “I have chosen this day, Thanksgiving, to present this no nonsense cure to the simple folk among us who are puttering along with some shared values in mind.”

“While the jaws gnash, the throat gulps, and the stomach churns to immoderate indulgence and overflow, let prayer prior to food and your mind empty of excuses be your guide to tame the stuffing of the stomach.”

“It is a simple matter, really. Now if you are media oriented, then consider also the below video, Raw for 30 Days.“

Crude and ill-bred man, Outraged Richard of Delmar, Delaware, recently had his 2006 title of “Rudest and Most Obnoxious Man in America” stripped from him after Washington D.C. based Search Committee for Americans who are Tolerant (SCAT) announced the latest of their findings for 2007 from the bottom up.

At the top of the list was former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, who handily won the “Most Tolerant American” title, but since the inception of the opposing titles, the “Rudest and Most Obnoxious…” title seems to be the most popular among those who express interest in the matter.

This year during an August weekday, a hidden camera at Delmar Pizza in Delmar, DE recorded a dialogue between a successful professional bowler, another bowler looking for “supplemental income”, and other persons in the diner.

The man depicted on the left of the screen wearing what appears to be a curled “perm” hairstyle defeated Outraged Richard for the 2007 “Rudest and Most Obnoxious Man in America” title.

Shameful behaviors such as sexual fetishes, homosexuality, bearing illegitimate children, and divorce, are being accepted worldwide as the liberal notion of "toleration" widens its drag net to include these and other untoward behaviors.

Though the justifications supporting the "toleration" of certain behaviors have virtually no basis in soundness of reason, there are some justifications that warp the very foundation of logic so terribly — as determined by the number of potentially reasonable minds that somehow believes them — that a special annual award has now been created, "The Worst Argument of the Year" award.

The winner for 2007 is: "Homosexuality is right because some people hate homosexuals or because some people are homophobic."

According to a special ABC News poll conducted since the beginning of 2007, 93.7% of all persons polled,

1. Ticked a "true" box alongside the "Homosexuality is right because…" argument, and

2. Left a blank next to the question, "What makes a good argument?"

When each participant was finished answering the poll, as best they could, a Post-it Note was presented to them with the following words:

This is a major argument used to support homosexuality that makes absolutely no sense. Your belief is not right because someone else disagrees with it. The rightness of your belief has to stand on its own merits. If a homosexual person is assaulted because of his homosexuality, the assault does not make homosexual behavior right.

Yet that is the premise for this very common argument, that a person's belief can be justified by another person's disagreement with that belief (this argument is often found in younger age schooling). We all know that it is wrong to violently assault people, and we should know that it is wrong to hate people. Many people hated Hitler for what he did to the Jews and minorities, but does that make what he did to them right?

In a follow up poll, 99.39% of persons previously polled did not understand what the words on the Post-it Note were in reference to and believed the words were taken at random from Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.

Speculation has been mounting over the months that the man known as Outraged Richard has been actively seeking a decent and chaste woman to call his own.

Those familiar with the matter have it on good authority that Outraged Richard was seen intimately involved with a dark haired lady while walking along the promenade of Delmar, Delaware.

"Mr. Outraged had on a fine woolen dress suit of impeccable quality matched with a black top hat. The lovely lady wore a pearl colored dress with ruffled sleeves and white silk gloves," a Times on the Wicomico Ditch newspaper reporter described.

"Their hands were intertwined for the majority of the walk," the reporter added.

When telephoned the next morning, Outraged Richard was gracious enough to allow an interview concerning the sighting, provided that it be available to all mankind regardless of color or creed.

Mr. Outraged went on to affirm the particulars:

'Tis true. I am now engaged in pleasant conversation and more than amiable interest in a fine lady I have spoken of before.

Her name is The Italian Beauty and she is the very manifestation of feminine delicateness and beauty. Her heart hath an openess of strength and forgiveness, enough so that she bears my absurdities yet admonishes me on frequent occasion.

She is, as one might expect, of Italian descent and carries on the various characteristics of that culture. The most significant of which is her belief in Catholicism and its good principles — minus the pederasty. I have no qualms with this, as I consider myself a God fearing Christian man as well.

"This is a good essential start to a lover's relationship", we tell each other about our common religious beliefs, and if I may reveal an intimacy with the peasants: we often whisper such revelations to one another, though I sometimes include a nibble on her ear.

Other characteristics of her Italian culture involve food and this we have met with some disagreement on. Several times whilst picnicking along the twining river of Pemberton, I take the cover off a large cauldron she hath prepared and stare in fear at a prodigious mixture of noodles, marinara sauce, and cheeses cooked in a base of cream.

"Oh, my!" I always say. "Dearest lady, such a delicious feast! But pray, only dish me out a little for the food seems to, ah… be of a fullness that surely will elegantly satisfy me in due time."

Despite my meek pleas, my fairest always ladles me with multiple servings, and thus the blood in my body begins to accumulate about my digestive organs. By the third serving my mind begins its usual wilt, as my heart is directing the majority of my life fluid to my stomach and my brain is provided with but a trickle.

These food adventures I endure since they are not usual and my lady never plys me for favors in my reduced state of mind, and this I greatly appreciate for I know her heart is pure and without manipulative malice.

I am providing the general public with a snapshot of her in the kitchen in disbelief at one or another oddity of mine.

'Tis also true that we are holding hands and quite delighted in doing so. I remark to her often of the grace of her hand, the luster of her nails, and the exquisiteness of her wrist. She hath not shown me her elbow, but I am certain that come the time the joint shall be excellently hinged.

On another occasion I shall speak of other particulars, including my asking of her parents to court her, but let us dwell on these tidbits I have provided here and gladden at the foulness of past relationships that the Outraged One hath overcome and the melting of his heart with this one so fair.

Go now and favor those you hold dear…