"This has got to be … the worst … crime spree … since the town's … incorporation. This is … good stuff … you should try some," Wicomico County Executive Richard M. "Rick" Pollitt mumbled between gobbling and puffing on doughnuts and confectioner's sugar.

"I's agrees…" Salisbury Mayor Barrie Tilghman slurred after a sip from a 40 ounce glass container.

"Just give me the chance to use my bullet in my breast pocket!" exclaimed Salisbury Police Chief Allan Webster.

In the town of Salisbury, MD, a town not unlike most towns—bleak, of little community value, of politicians conjuring dark designs against the citizens, and where no rule of law is recognized—citizens reveled in their plight when the FBI announced their town of Salisbury's latest crime statistics for 2006:

A handful of Murder at 5,

A goodly sum of Rape at 27,

A generous sprinkling of Robbery at 213,

An all-round touch of Aggravated Assault at 325,

A ringing endorsement of Property Crime at 2051,

A prodigious amount of Burglary at 638,

A rousing affair of Theft at 1813,

and finally, a swooping along of Motor Vehicle Theft at 131…. (fbi.gov)