On March 30, 2001 Dr. Laura Schlessinger's TV show promoting good family values, such as heterosexual marriage being the proper forum for sexual union, was canceled largely through the efforts of StopDrLaura.com, a loosely arranged organization of five friends who raised their unholy heads up to howl for pedophilia, bestiality and, lastly, homosexuality rights.

Who were these five friends? Their names, intoned one by one with a tolling bell while a fiery sky rains down brimstone and ash, are: John Aravosis, Joel Lawson, William Waybourn, Alan Klein and Robin Tyler.

Why was homosexuality last on their list of "rights" to be accepted in contempt of Dr. Laura's version of proper sexuality between a man and a woman? Because the principles which justify human actions are in a fundamental way more important than the action itself. Thus, the unbounded and mix-matched principles that homosexuality is founded on justifies more significant and debaucherous actions like pedophilia which eclipses its lesser homosexual brethren. And a good showman always starts his circus with a grand display.

Which companies trumpeted profits and perversion over proper principles by pulling their advertisements at the behest of the five friends' boycott? Again the bell tolls deeply while the heavens open up and loosen a torrent of ash and fiery rubble upon the following named companies, in convenient alphabetical order: 

24 Hour Fitness, America's Best (Eyewear), AR Pioneer Chiropractic & Carpal Tunnel Clinic, Arm & Hammer, Bally Total Fitness, Bar-None, Boot Town, Brentwood Volvo, Brink's, Canada Savings Bond, CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield, CB Fleet (Summer's Eve), Checkers, Chef Boyardee, Children's Museum, Ciener-Woods Ford, Clearnet, Closet World, Coca-Cola, Conair, Concord Insurance, Craftmatic Adjustable Beds, David's Bridal, Denny's, Diet-ZX, Discount Dresses, Discounter, Domino's Pizza, Eckerd Corporation, Fantom Technologies, GEICO, George Foreman Grill (Salton), Giant, Glaxo Wellcome (Valtrex), Hospital for Special Surgery, Icy-Hot, IHOP (did not approve ads), Ikea, Jacoby & Meyers, Jennifer Furniture, John Corzine for Senate (NJ), Kaiser Permanente, Kimberly-Clark (Scott TP), Kraft, Les Vogel Dodge (CA), Liberty Medical Supply, Long John Silver's Seafood, Lowes, Luxor Resort & Casino, MAACO (Canada), Magic Wallet, Maple Leaf Foods, Mattress, Medieval Times, Mervyn's, New Homes Preview, Novartis, Oldsmobile, Ontel, Pacific Gas & Electric, PETsMART, Pfizer, Pillsbury, Renaissance Cruises, Rite-Aid, Robb & Stucky, Ltd., Roman Meal, Ross Stores, Royal Bank, Rubenstein & Rynecki, Schering-Plough, Sears (did not approve ads), Slim-Fast, Spooky World, Starpower Internet, Steak n Shake, Stephen's Gourmet, Stonestreet Capital, Sybaris, Temple Kung Fu, Tetley Tea, Texaco, Time Life, Inc., Torso Track (Suzanne Somers), Toyota, Tri-City Sporting Goods (CA), Unilever (Brummel & Brown), US Sen. Candidate Mark Dayton (D-MN), USA Today, Verizon, Victory Ford, Washington State Lottery, Winner Int'l (The Club), Workopolis, Zatarain's.

Recognize any? With further research, the inquiring mind would discover that the vast majority of major U.S. corporations are holding up a man's rear end as the highest form of love like Atlas holding up the World.

Backtrack to October 13, 2000 and one month into the Dr. Laura TV show: Stunned by the onslaught of the homosexual rights mantra from the Stop Dr. Laura folk, Dr. Laura bowed her head in humility and hypocrisy and begged the revolting rabble for their forgiveness, advertising a full page apology to them in the Gay Hollywood edition of Daily Variety. A decent woman with motherly advice was finally broken down to the level of the gutter.

On her radio show, the last vestige of her entertainment foray, Dr. Laura now speaks in hushed tones when answering questions involving homosexuality. A paleness falls over her complexion. Her voice tightens as she remembers when her belief in only a man and woman being together sexually within holy matrimony was rag dolled and dragged down into the muck and had to dig itself out with appeasing breast strokes.

Strangely, no real discourse was given throughout the Stop Dr. Laura campaign on why homosexuality should be accepted and not denounced, only the usual defense that homosexuality is an "expression" and through other sham and worthless arguments that largely serve as a distractive cover for the "ace in the hole" belief that worshiping a man's rear end is the highest form of love. 

And so the original five friends and their misdeeds will be recorded along with the morass of companies that went along with them. Soon, they will be held accountable by the gentle folk among us puttering along with a few shared values in mind. The Age of Morality will be upon us! but most likely not until two sodomites are erected up into The White House as the proper role models for us to emulate. Only then, and when the presidential partners adopt a son and daughter, will we lift our noses from our Froot Loops and our eyes from the Ball Game to challenge this newest standard of absurdity.