Upon my death, if those of you who would be so kind as to look after my carcass and arrange a simple funeral and headstone with epitaph I would be most grateful. A plain sanded native grown American Pine casket will do nicely, the lid to be hammered down with nails made in Communist China.

And if I may be so forward to request a lady of large girth singing an emotion stirring operatic hymn, and a preacher boldly and sternly sermonizing with flecks of spittle and froth cascading from his mouth, I would be profoundly appreciative.

I would like to have my facial expression arranged in a look of shock but with a softening amount of powder and paint applied so as not to upset the casket viewers. My funeral dress should consist of Richard Simmons type high cut nylon athletic shorts, an American made wife beater top spotted with real mustard and catsup stains, and high soled white athletic shoes made in China.

The tombstone and epitaph should read as follows: (Click Here for Full Absurdity)

The Corporate Equality Index is out! Now the remaining few of us who believe in proper family values can choose not to do business with those companies highly rated for "[continuing] to charge forward with comprehensive workplace-inclusion policies for gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans gender employees."

Read all about it! 

Corporate America snuggles up to 'gays'

Pro-homosexual giants: Apple, Best Buy, Chrysler, Ford, IBM, Dell, AT&T, Sprint, Nike, Kraft, Pepsi…

Many of America's most successful companies continue to snuggle up to homosexuals, with a record 101 firms receiving a perfect score for "gay"-friendliness, according to a new ranking by a homosexual-rights group.

* A record 101 companies score 100 percent, attributed to a sharp increase in gender identity non-discrimination policies. In 2002, only 13 companies earned a perfect mark…. (worldnetdaily.com)

Other surprising facts are that Sears and Ford, brand names that once had a family ring to them, are now adamant supporters of sexually perverted "lifestyles." Both companies, along with hundreds others, scored high with sexually confused ratings like “Gender Identity or Expression,” "Domestic Partner Benefits," and "Diversity Training."

Like Ford, which leads the pro-homosexual inanity, car manufacturers have largely sold out to debased relationship promotion, except Nissan who least participates with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender debauchery.

Various gripes will certainly be had from customers for most every company but there are some misgivings that cannot be overlooked. So whether the company is promoting anti-family values, sourcing their products from China or other nefarious countries, or unduly polluting the earth—you can stop doing business with them.

Remember that these companies are in business as long as you keep giving them your hard earned money. However, if you think homosexuality is such a great idea then tell your kids about it and get more involved in promoting it to your family and friends. Otherwise, denounce it as a filthy and perverted practice and promote a man and woman being respectfully together.

With Memorial Day recently passed, the question has to be asked: Is this what our soldiers mightily fought for, the freedom for a man to put his penis in the rectum of another man? Or a man to chop off his penis and install a pseudo vagina?

The simple command, "Support marriage as a man and woman respectfully together" says it all by saying "No" to divorce, one night stands and sexual perversity.

Say "No" to the corporate appeasers and enablers who refuse to stand up for family values and what is right. Every penny given to anti-family businesses is effectively a validation to sexual perversion. Support family values instead by doing business with better companies.

Country music or Rap? Family values or degraded living? This is but one of life's choices facing millions of confused youth and surprisingly many adults which a recent ABC poll attempted to shed light on.

The informal poll found 96 percent of parents could not tell the difference between lyrics such as Trace Adkins' "cause it's songs about me / and who I am / songs about loving and living and good hearted women and family and God" and T Pain's "U know u thick as hell u know what im sayin / I need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang / Cause I'm in love with a stripper."

In a follow up ABC poll parents were asked what being a parent to their child meant. 62 percent of parents said that buying a thong at Target for their preteen daughter or an Xbox for their son was characteristic of being a "parent to their child."  21 percent of parents did not think parents should be role models and decision makers for their children, and 26 percent of parents did not understand the question. 

Pollsters also noted that all parents polled happened to be single parents or in the process of a divorce and that no married parents in a stable loving relationship could be found to answer any poll questions, placing a potential bias on the poll results.

American baseball: Juiced up unfit children squabbling upon a wonderful field of green.

To further this strikingly accurate description of baseball Sports Illustrated has compiled for us the most "Notorious Basebrawls" of all time.

Thank you Sports Illustrated. Fathers can be sure and show that to their small sons who still thinks of juice as orange juice.

Media outlets have whipped immigration issues into a frenzy for their mesmerized listeners, but for decades it has always been a problem left uncorrected. The INS Act of 1965, for example, championed by womanizing drunkard Ted Kennedy, significantly worsened immigration trends and social integration by allowing Asians and Hispanics to overwhelm the overall immigration statistics. (The 1965 Immigration Act: Anatomy of a Disaster)

More important than racial trends, however, is the biggest statistic that allowing immense numbers of people into an already overpopulated America doesn't make good sense. To make matters worse, the 1965 Act overlooked the loophole exempting family members of U.S. citizens from immigration limits. One person quickly became several with this exemption, grossly inflating the numbers of some immigrating cultures.

Overpopulation is what major news media (where most people form their beliefs) and the government refuse to acknowledge as a pressing problem. Negative Population Growth has a sensible outlook on the overpopulation issue, advocating a "smaller and truly sustainable population through smaller families and reduced immigration levels." Not only is overpopulation a strain on natural resources, it is detrimental to the quality of human life, especially in large families where the parents cannot possibly care properly for their many children.

Next to address concerns the true cause of the immigration problem, which is that immigrants left their home country generally because life there was nasty, brutish, short, or uneconomical. Therefore, efforts should be directed at the immigrant's country of origin to fix what would cause such a great exodus, mainly through non-monetary political and socio-economic assistance. People should be allowed the dignified choice of living freely, happily, and productively in their own country.

President Vicente Fox of Mexico is probably one of the worst examples today of a leader looking out for his people when he does little to improve their lives in Mexico. Despicable too are the IMF and World Bank who step in to manage poor defenseless countries affairs by ruining them according to Joseph Stiglitz, former chief economist at World Bank. When the light fails in a world of darkness you would think the United Nations sporting slogans of "We, the peoples," and "It's your world" would step in to improve our lives.

They should, but spin your globe to Africa to see what a dismal failure the world's concern for others has wreaked. The old adage, modified somewhat, "Help yourself before ruining others," should be a principle countries are more familiar with. The sad truth is that countries frequently have no idea how to help each other or themselves, except in times of disaster where the universal knee jerk reaction is, "Give food! Give money!" which often isn't real help in the end, just another cause for crippling dependency.

Countries should be helpful and inviting to other countries, just as neighbors should be neighborly. But let's help ourselves first by legislating a proper U.S. immigration policy with the following general guidelines:

1. The overall immigration level should be reduced drastically and a negative population growth policy should be developed.
2. Immigration law should be changed back to national origin quota based immigration, allowing people from all countries an opportunity to live here, and family exemptions for U.S. citizens should be taken into account when calculating immigration levels.
3. The cultural behaviors of the immigrant should be assessed such as his propensity for violence, assimilation characteristics into American society, etc.
4. The quality of the immigrant should be reviewed, such as their belief or value system, willingness to work, and health status.

That covers the law part. But what happens if hordes of people ignore our immigration laws and cross over into the U.S. illegally? Well, nothing is happening currently because there are no consequences for doing so. In fact, illegals are rewarded with free hospital care, employers not verifying citizenship, governments not checking on employers, and police specifically required not to verify citizenship. That needs to all be reversed.

For our immediate border security to prevent the millions of afternoon and evening strollers from simply walking in illegally, a border fence sounds like a good idea, until you realize that Washington bureaucrats are building it at taxpayer's expense. It will inevitable cost too much, and corruption and overcharging will be rampant. The fence design itself will be lacking in some way, perhaps that it didn't extend the whole border length, but certainly that it didn't extend up to the heavens to block Mexico's air pollution. You can thank the passing of the North American Free Trade Agreement for the heavy industry congregating and polluting along the U.S. Mexican border.

However the fence is strung up, it merely blocks illegal Mexicans from reaping the many rewards of coming to America. Mexico is therefore like a prison where its many inmates are constantly seeking new ways to escape over the fence, like pole vaulting or hot-air ballooning, into America to be rewarded. And rewarded they will be with the latest U.S. legislation which does not address overpopulation, does not mention the emigration problems of Mexico, gives amnesty to illegals in exchange for $2000, and rewards law-breaking employers for hiring illegals by exempting them from punishment.

That's what the finest minds of our legislative halls have come up with on so pressing and urgent a matter as immigration reform. Imagine how other important matters are handled by America's so called leadership?

Moving legs, a bit of acid in the throat, or a flaccid sexual member? You should rush immediately to your family disease "expert" and get the latest pill from the pharmaceutical industry.

"Disease mongering” is the effort by pharmaceutical companies (or others with similar financial interests) to enlarge the market for a treatment by convincing people that they are sick and need medical intervention [2]. Typically, the disease is vague, with nonspecific symptoms spanning a broad spectrum of severity—from everyday experiences many people would not even call “symptoms,” to profound suffering. The market for treatment gets enlarged in two ways: by narrowing the definition of health so normal experiences get labeled as pathologic, and by expanding the definition of disease to include earlier, milder, and presymptomatic forms (e.g., regarding a risk factor such as high cholesterol as a disease in itself). (News Target)

Moving your legs while trying to fall asleep, or "Restless Legs Syndrome" as officially named, is one of many simple ailments that the immensely profitable drug industry has forced the FDA to recognize as a disease of wide consequence. Why? Money. All corporations have an interest to make more money for their shareholders, regardless, it seems, as to whether such business is to their customer's detriment.

How do we know we are afflicted and dying? By simply turning on the television and letting the parade of drug advertisements wash over our subconscious. This dangerous practice of broadcasting deceptively pleasing images that people need powerful drugs and their many side effects should best be left to doctors to communicate to their patients.

The news coverage of restless legs syndrome is disturbing. It exaggerated the prevalence of disease and the need for treatment, and failed to consider the problems of overdiagnosis. In essence, the media seemed to have been co-opted into the disease-mongering process. Although our review was limited to the coverage of a single disease promotion campaign, we think it is likely that our findings would apply to others. It is easy to understand why the media would be attracted to disease promotion stories and why they would be covered uncritically. The stories are full of drama: a huge but unrecognized public health crisis, compelling personal anecdotes, uncaring or ignorant doctors, and miracle cures. (News Target)

It is also easy to understand the media's promotion of drugs when the billions of drug advertising money is tallied up. As convicted felon and fraudster Kevin Trudeau, author of Natural Cures, correctly says, "It's all about the money" for the "massive cabal formed of the federal government, pharmaceutical companies and the media [that] is keeping Americans from living well."

And no one is living well after a gut busting meal of a Double Quarter Pounder® with Cheese, super sized fries, and a gallon of Coke, despite McDonalds' marketing slogan of "i'm lovin' it." Who wouldn't expect a little bile to come up in the throat? The drug companies have an answer for that in the form of a friendly sounding little "Purple Pill" named Prilosec which on their web site you need to "Get to know".

"Erectile dysfunction" is the latest bodily wilting to "get to know". Most people in the United States are dramatically unhealthy with drooping folds of diabetic flab and cancerous smoker's lungs, so it is no wonder men are unable to have erections. More to the point, it is a wonder many such people are still alive, but the body is remarkable resilient to violation as porn star Jenna Jameson via talk host Bill "No Spin" O'Reilly has convinced us.

Living a healthy lifestyle instead of waiting for science to cover up your symptoms is the best prevention to disease, but people are easily convinced to continue on with their miserable existences. Drug pushers on the street and in the corporate boardroom know this all too well. Living healthy through good values, nutritious food, and fun exercise is beginning to catch on to bloated and catatonic America, though stagnated by valueless education systems and fast food mentality.

The U.S. is restoring normal diplomatic ties with Libya, a religiously excited outpost presided over by Lockerbie airline bomber Colonel Muammar al-Qaddafi. (Fox News)

Qaddafi was once known here as perhaps the most dangerous man in the Middle East. President Reagan ordered air attacks against Libya in 1981 and 1986, the latter because of suspected Libyan sponsorship of a terrorist attack at a West Berlin disco frequented by American soldiers. Two Americans died there.

Since 2003, however, Libya has been held up as a model by the administration for the way aspiring nuclear weapons powers should behave. (AP)