President Bush is slow to react when national disasters strike. First it was a 5-7 minute delay in reacting to news of initial reports of the 9/11 disaster whispered into his ear, now it’s a delay in reacting to a Florida hurricane. This just in from the O.R. News Wire:

As President Bush toured Florida’s hurricane wreckage, presidential candidate John Kerry expressed indignation at Bush’s insufficient response time to the disaster.

A very close aid of Bush confirmed that the President was at stool after first receiving Florida’s damage report, resulting in a seven minute delayed response.

White House kitchen logs report foods of a fruity nature, including watermelon, were consumed previously by the President and contributed to a watery bowel effect that incapacitated Mr. Bush on the toilet.

Curiously, the President choose not to don either his leak-proof undergarments or a special bowel plug that hang within easy reach in the Oval Office bathroom, in order to quickly free himself from the toilet area to direct hurricane clean-up operations from his desk in the outer office area.

When advised of President Bush’s situation, Mr. Kerry suggested that the President should more carefully monitor his eating habits and combine more fiber in his diet so that any future bodily upsets would be of a less dire constipating effect.